Small Victories

One of the drawbacks of having a reactive dog is having to be on "high alert" at all times when out in public with her. It's very tiring, and I've had to find ways for me to be "positively reinforced" when taking Bella out in public or I'd never do it. Staying home wouldn't do either of us any good because she'd never be given the opportunity to learn. With Roscoe, I'm naturally rewarded - people adore him and he adores them. Big or small. Loud or quiet. Furry or two-legged. He's happy. And I love that people love him. With Bella, I've had to take the small moments of progress and appreciate them for what they are.

Almost three years ago, we could not have enjoyed a picnic at the park with friends without being acutely anxious the whole time. I'd have worried about whether she was going to snap at our friends. She generally didn't like strange men and especially didn't like dark-skinned bald men (i.e., my dad) or men with hats (again, my dad) or facial hair (Dad). But you never could tell who she was going to react badly to, and it was a constant worry.

We learned how to manage her reactivity, and she was able to interact with most women and some men with relative ease. A lot of people didn't know she was a reactive dog because we were so careful, but then there were people who were terrified of her because we also made a lot of mistakes when learning how to live with a reactive dog. And then there were people in between. She didn't scare them, but they didn't know the sweet, funny, creative, crazy smart dog that we lived with. They knew a shy, stand-offish, stubborn dog.

In those early days, I would have had to constantly scan the horizon for dogs and bicyclists and strollers and people who walked funny (and who could tell on any given day what she was going to consider "funny"?), being sure to get up and run for the nearest solid structure to block her view of them if any came in sight, no matter how far away. Without her Gentle Leader, there was almost no way for me to physically restrain her if she decided to take off; she is simply too strong, even at less than half my weight. And in those early days, she couldn't have cared less about me when her "fight or flight" response kicked in (and always in "fight" mode). I didn't yet inspire her confidence, and she was convinced she needed to protect herself.

Which is why even so many years later, I approached today's picnic with some trepidation. Bella has increased in confidence and reliance on me in the face of scary situations, but we haven't been to Laguna Lake with her in probably two years because of the potential for a major meltdown. However, we knew our friends were generally dog-tolerant people and Greg & Carrie, at least, have seemed to genuinely enjoy Bella when they visited at our house, and I wanted to give Bella a day out. She seems always to be the one left behind because Roscoe gets to participate in activities where we'll meet other dogs. We only live a couple of blocks away; if it became too difficult, we could quickly run her home.

I was thrilled when I realized that we were able to hang out in relative relaxation, in full view of a dog park and a couple dozen running, barking dogs a couple of hundred yards away. Kites, dogs on leash, small children, frisbee golfers, ducks - none of these were a big problem.

Don't get me wrong. I still have my clicker and am ready to rapidly reinforce good behavior in the face of "scary" situations, but there weren't as many scary situations that came our way. She's learning that life isn't terrifying; she's becoming confident in the wide world.

And she's making friends.






(She also made friends with Joel & Emily, who were similarly awesome with her, but we just don't have pictures of that. Thanks, all of you, for putting up with a 60-pound lap dog!)